Woman Refuses to Celebrate Christmas with Her Mother After Decades of Hurt

A woman sought support from the Reddit community following a holiday dilemma that resurfaced decades of hurt. 

She shared that her parents split when she was nine and that her mom voluntarily stepped back from parenting even though custody had originally been split evenly.

The poster said her mom took them for alternating Christmases but often only “to spite Dad,” leaving the day feeling empty. She added that her father turned Christmas into a true celebration, while her mom “gave up Christmas altogether” by their late teens.

She also remembered that they tried to compromise. “She wouldn’t even celebrate with us on Christmas Eve despite us asking her to,” the poster wrote, explaining that her mother instead spent the day with her best friend and that friend’s daughter, whom she “refers to as her daughter more than her own kids sometimes.”

Those patterns shaped how the poster approached holidays in adulthood. Now 33 and a mother herself, she planned a Christmas lunch for the people who had always been there: her dad, stepmom, and siblings.

The calm unraveled when her sister-in-law “accidentally” invited her mom to the gathering. The poster said the moment “started some drama,” especially when her sister-in-law insisted it would be special for her mom to celebrate with her granddaughter.

The poster shut that idea down, offering a different option she felt was more reasonable. She said she invited her mom for Christmas Eve instead, believing it allowed connection without chaos.

The risk of conflict hung heavily over her decision. She said having her parents in the same room would be uncomfortable because “her and Dad are both immature,” and she believed the clash “would ruin the vibe of Christmas.”

She also felt her mother wasn’t owed a sudden place at the table. “I just don’t feel Mom should be entitled to spend it with my daughter,” she explained, pointing to the 25 years her mother chose not to spend Christmas with her.

Still, her sister-in-law pushed back. The poster wrote that her sister-in-law thought “it’s no big deal,” while her partner mentioned she might look like the bad guy from the sister-in-law’s perspective.

One commenter questioned why her sister-in-law had inserted herself so forcefully. They asked, “Does your SIL act like the Matriarch of your ‘family’?” and pointed out that the invitation came from someone who “thinks she controls the invites to your home.”

The commenter also suggested the responsibility didn’t belong to the poster. They said the sister-in-law “needs to uninvite Mom,” arguing that it wasn’t the poster’s job to retract an invitation she never approved.

The poster later clarified the family dynamic fueling the tension. She said her brother was fine with either parent attending but had been perfectly happy with their long-standing holiday traditions.

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She believed her sister-in-law’s motivations were personal. “She dislikes my dad,” the poster explained, adding that her sister-in-law hated when her father hosted Christmas because “then it’s about my brother and his family, and not about her.”

The poster also noted that her sister-in-law’s own family “don’t even see each other for Christmas anyway,” which she felt added another layer to the issue. The dynamic left her torn between maintaining peace and protecting her boundaries.

Despite the pressure, she stayed firm. She wanted a calm, predictable holiday for her daughter and didn’t want old conflicts resurfacing at her dining table.