Pass the ‘Porch Pirates Act’ to crack down on holiday-ruining package thieves

New Jersey Rep. Josh Gottheimer is out to save the holiday season — by boosting penalties for package pilferers.

On Monday, Gottheimer (D) introduced the “Porch Pirates Act,” aiming to slap thieves who filch boxes shipped by private companies with the same federal charges as those who molest US Postal Service deliveries — and increase jail time for offenders.

It’s a no-brainer bill: As online shopping has boomed — and shipping by companies like Amazon, UPS and FedEx — so too has box-snatching from stoops, porches, patios and doorsteps.

Amazon alone is on track to ship more boxes than the USPS by 2028.

Expanding federal parcel protections to include private companies is pure sense.

At least 45% of Americans have lost a package to “porch piracy,” a sticky-fingered fiend at one point or another, and the scourge spikes during the holiday season.

And it’s increasingly organized crime.

Last month, the Suffolk County District Attorney’s Office charged 14 people for an alleged two-year-long scheme that combined hacking with fast “piracy” and resale of pricey electronics.

And New York City took the title for worst in the nation, with $945 million in package theft losses in 2024 — more than double runner-up Philly’s $450 million.

Don’t expect the city’s lefty lawmakers or soft-on-crime district attorneys to do much; the state is only now just responding (and barely) — to years of rampant and organized shoplifting across the five boroughs.

But Gottheimer’s bill can make package theft a federal issue.

Bring the hammer down on Grinches who try to steal goodies on Christmas — and the other 364 days of the year.