Guest Shocked They Didn’t Receive Thank-You Note After Attending Expensive Wedding

An individual is offended after they say that a bride and groom failed to properly thank them after they attended their expensive destination wedding.

In an anonymous submission to Slate’s advice column “Dear Prudence,” the wedding guest asked whether or not they’re “overreacting” for feeling “underappreciated” that they weren’t mailed a formal thank-you note from their “good friends” after they “spent several thousand dollars” on travel, accommodations, attire and gifts for the destination nuptials.

“Initially, I was happy to do it. But now I’m not so sure,” the guest wrote.

At the intimate wedding reception, the newlyweds shared their gratitude to their guests by surprising each person with a “heartfelt” handwritten letter, which likely took them weeks to months to write in total. Although the guest thought this was a “beautiful gesture” at the time, their tune changed when they later discovered that the letters were in lieu of official thank-you cards.

“Am I wrong to feel like attending a destination wedding and giving an expensive gift should also warrant a thank-you card in the mail?” the person questioned. “I know some people might find it old-fashioned, but I’m a millennial and I still feel like a proper thank you after a wedding, especially an expensive destination one, is important!”

In response, Prudence (authored in this case by writer and editor Jenée Desmond-Harris) advised the anonymous guest to recognize that they were in fact appreciated by the couple, even if not in a traditional manner. She said it was “odd” to act as if the couple did nothing to express their gratitude when everyone was gifted a personalized letter, and speculated that “there’s something more behind” their complaint.

“Do you want them to get a ticket from the etiquette police? Do you want to feel superior?” Desmond-Harris asked. “Are you looking for an excuse to pull back from the friendship? Are you just fed up with the massive expense that comes with the phase of life when you attend a lot of weddings, and applying that feeling (which is legitimate!) to this one little thing?”

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Lizzie O’Leary, host of Slate’s What Next: TBD podcast, also weighed in on the situation. She agreed that the guest was being a “stickler,” and encouraged them to move on because thank-you cards are “a gift, not an obligation” — one that’s becoming less and less common.

“Redirect your energies elsewhere!” she wrote.