Woman Asks Partner’s Family to Pay Mileage for Using Her Car. Now She’s Being Called ‘Heartless’

A woman turned to the Reddit community for support following rising frustrations over how her partner and her partner’s family had begun relying on her car. 

She explained in her post that she had moved to a new state with her partner for her job, noting, “I own one car. I bought it myself, I put the down payment on it, the title is solely in my name.”

She added that she paid “about $500/month, not including gas,” and emphasized that she carried the full financial responsibility for the vehicle. But despite being the one who paid for everything, she said she often used the car the least.

In her post, the woman said her partner, whom she referred to as “P,” had not yet found work in their new city. Instead, P drove the car “about 3 hours out of state to work overnight shifts in her hometown” each week. The woman wrote, “She leaves Wednesday morning and comes back mid-day Friday,” which meant the vehicle disappeared for nearly half of each week.

During those days without transportation, the woman often found herself stuck. She explained that she had “no access to my own car for emergencies, appointments, last-minute work needs, or basic errands.” 

Although her hybrid work schedule offered some flexibility, she shared that unexpected situations forced her to spend extra money on “delivery or rideshares just to function.” She even resorted to the city bus when necessary.

At first, the arrangement seemed manageable. But as the weeks turned into months, she admitted her feelings shifted. “Lately I’ve started to feel taken advantage of,” she said, though she noted P’s upbringing likely had a role in the situation.

As the oldest daughter in a single-parent family, P had long taken on caregiving responsibilities that the woman described as “responsibilities that I think aren’t fair to her.”

Those responsibilities carried over into their car arrangement. Each week when P returned to her hometown to work, she stayed with her mother, grandfather, siblings and nephew in what the woman described as a “crowded house.” The siblings had jobs but “do not contribute financially to the household or to transportation costs,” she wrote.

Because P was “the only one besides her grandpa who drives,” the woman said her car inevitably became the default transportation for everyone. She explained that it was used for “transporting her mom and sister to and from work, running errands for her grandfather, school transportation for her nephew and random errands for the household.”

It wasn’t just the mileage that worried her — it was P’s exhaustion. She wrote that P “ALWAYS says yes, even when she’s exhausted and on the verge of a breakdown.” 

She added that the stress often spilled over into their relationship: “Sometimes I feel like she can be irritable from all the pressure and takes her frustrations out on me.”

Over time, the imbalance became hard to ignore. “Basically, I feel like I’m paying for the car entirely, using it the least, and her whole family is benefiting from free transportation,” she said. She felt empathy for P but admitted, “Because she won’t set boundaries with her family, I get the worst of her.”

Finally, after months of internal conflict, she brought up the issue. She shared, “This morning, I finally asked her to request mileage reimbursement from her family.” She clarified that her intention wasn’t to stop P from helping them. 

“I want to make it clear that I am NOT asking her to stop helping her family,” she wrote. Instead, she hoped for a small acknowledgment of the financial impact: “If multiple people are going to be using the car, I need some help with the costs.”

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But the conversation did not go as she expected. According to the woman, P reacted strongly and said that asking for mileage reimbursement was “cold” and “cruel.” She told her partner that her family “needs her,” and claimed that requesting money made the woman “heartless.” The argument escalated until P suggested she was being forced to choose “between me and her family.”

The woman turned to Reddit, feeling overwhelmed and unsure, but the commenters were blunt with her in their replies.

One wrote, “If she doesn’t want to collect money from her family, she can pay herself. Or she can go buy her own car.”

Another commenter warned her that allowing so many people to drive her vehicle was risky, saying, “Free things are never taken care of as well as what someone paid for to own.”